Defining moments…

After 1 year of being posted to this place, I’ve finally found two avenues where I can serve God in. There’s the doctor’s fellowship once a month and today, I went to this small church group which is a pioneer church called Hope Church, Teluk Intan. Although there are less than 10 of us there, it’s indeed refreshing to see people who wants to reach out to others in this small town..to win the lost for Jesus.

=)
This is a view of the riverside in TI

As I returned home, I realized that I’ve not been a good testimony or a faithful servant recently. I’ve been so preoccupied with me, myself and i that I’ve forgotten the crown at the end of the ‘race’, the treasure in Heaven that will last for an eternity. Sometimes I’m so frustrated at myself for taking 1 step towards God and 2 steps backward…probably I’ve been relying on my own strength too much & trusting God based on my own limited resources. Our God is wonderful, awesome and without borders or boundaries and I should always remind myself that nothing is impossible wif God.

Our country is looking towards forming a new govt and with so much of changes in store on a macro level, I wonder how will this coming elections change the lives of the ordinary folks. I pray that God will work something good out of this elections and his Kingdom will expand, His will be done as we look forward to the coming of our Lord Jesus.

The organizing chairperson

I’ve plenty of things in store for the next 3 months..huge, frightening prospect of presenting my little paper in front of a lot of surgeons in end of March (i’m really praying for God’s grace and anointing), my second surgical paper in April and the assault on Mount Kinabalu in May. Seriously, I need to buck up and work on a higher level of organizing myself and mobilizing my time well but for now, I’m still hanging around and slowly reading up or exercising..sigh.

Aqidah, my colleague and I at the breast Ca awareness campaign

so anyway, will update this page regularly as more events unfold in my life. thanx for dropping by on my life btw, the breast cancer awareness campaign went really well. thank God!

The successful campaign (haha)

I was just reading some random blogs when this thought crossed my mind momentarily…how many bloggers are out there? how many ppl actually read blogs? Most importantly, do people visit the blog sites as faithfully as the bloggers maintained their streams of thoughts and update their pages?

I notice that most of my posts tend to be quite serious and ‘inspirational’..inspiring God-knows-who to do something in their lives. Not sure whether ppl actually do read my ideas and prose but i sure hope that at least a few of my friends do drop by regularly.

maybe i should dress up my blog a bit..u know, reduce the words, add more pics, talk abt humourous, current events. but i keep on falling into the same habit of writing ‘moral’ messages…i wonder why. maybe i m born to be preachy?

at least i still have a pretty eventful life in the hospital (to compensate for the sad excuse of a social life i m having). my calls are getting hectic and interesting, day by day. recently, one of my patient was shot by a shotgun during my call and referred to me. in a way, i was so thrilled to see the news of this shooting incident in the star, the very next day. unfortunately, no one mentioned the ‘cute’ doctor attending to that patient on that day…hhhmm, missed opportunities to stardom eh?

then i was having the appendicular day of the year..i kept on taking ppl’s appendices out on a saturday that i was practically entombed in the operation theatre. yesterday i was also in the theatre doing a lot of stuff involving bowels, pus and fecal materials. maybe i shall not talk abt my work so graphically huh? throwing you guys off ur dinner?

i m really lookin forward to meeting my friends at the end of next week. as i count the passing years, i realized that nowadays, the best way to reunite with my friends are through weddings and that is a scary thought..because before long, the only way i will meet my long-lost friends will be at their children’s birthdays, their grandchildren’s birth, their hospitalization and etc…how fast time flies…

Today I pushed myself to exercise for the first time this
year as it’s a public holiday and there wasn’t much to do here in Teluk Intan.
I was amazed how unfit and unconditioned I was. My muscles were screaming in
pain and my head felt dizzy at the end of the half-hour session. It was just a
moderate exercise session, yet I was hyperventilating and felt nauseated due to
the exertion. Then a very important principle in life dawned upon me…that if we
don’t work for the things that matter in life, we will lose all that we hope
and aim for.

  It’s
amazing how a simple work-out triggered my thinking cap and led me on this
important discovery about life. Undoubtedly, there is hard work and dedication
lining the road to success but ultimately, it also has a lot to do with
destiny, as the kind hand of God  allow
us to achieve all that we dream of. I hope to be able to conquer Mount Kinabalu this year in April using the new route, Mountain Torq which feels like the
experience of a lifetime as it is the highest via ferrata in the world.

    I know
for sure that once I have convinced myself that I will be able to conquer my
fears and lack of stamina, I will push myself to the limits no matter come what
may. In order to do that, I will need to intensify my training regime and cease
to be a couch potato and a weakling. I know that I cannot let my team down
because of my indiscipline and lack of stamina.

     Sometimes I
know that I take the people around me for granted. As I chatted to my friend
about how important people are to us, I realize that I fail to treasure the most
important people in my life during the times when I feel like being a selfish
soul. We must realize that at the end of the day, no one is going to remember
us based on the amount of money we accumulate or the material achievements in
our lifetimes. It is when we touch the lives of others, when we make
soul-connections that we make our mark on this life on earth. Significant relationships
matter more than mere superficial adornments and trappings of life..our relationship
with God, loved ones and our community, in short, our oikos.

    It is when
we look at the big picture that our hearts open up. It is when we hear the
simple laughter of little children that we know that innocence and kindness
lives on. It is when we gaze at the beautiful blooming flowers that we realize
that God has created wonders in our everyday life. It is when we smell the
fresh grassy meadows after the spring rain that we can marvel at the sweetest,
mildest perfume no money can buy. May God continue to open up the doors of our
hearts through little miracles of our daily lives.

Yesterday I spoke to one of my old friends from PKVUM, a fellow committee member who is posted to Sabah as a teacher in a very rural area when I suddenly realized that God has been so faithful and wonderful. I have not met my friend since 2004-2005, just like how I have not seen alot of my uni mates since then and began to muse about a lot of stuff. It’s also a big coincidence that I bumped into 2 coursemates whom I have not spoken to since graduation 2005 while I was strolling at the Gardens, Midvalley that prompted me on this retrospective mood. Even as I gaze at the watershed year of 2007, I realized that it’s through the grace of God that I am here today and things could have been very different if not for a few key decisions in 2007.

I wouldn’t know that whether all the crossroads were chosen rightly or wrongly but for now, I haf set myself upon a path in life that I am still proud of. No matter how much I groaned about being posted to teluk intan in the beginning of the year, it’s actually a blessing in disguise that I am here instead of anywhere else. This is a town which is quiet and without pretensions or sense of grandeur yet there is a sense of peace and practicality in surrounding this place. Each morning I wake up to the sounds of birds chirping and most of the surroundings will be enveloped in misty, poetic air if it was a rainy night.

Each night I sleep to the sound of an orchestra of insects. The roar of engines and rumble of huge vehicles seem to be far, far away. Moreover, the distance to KL is not too far, albeit i haf to go thru the trunk road for almost 45 mins before reaching the highway but it’s accessible enuf to ipoh, kl and beyond. The kitchen is a big blessing as it’s big and equipped enuf for me to slowly and gingerly venture into the culinary world (at least I could cook for myself now :-)..haha)

2007 is also the year that i realized a few heartbreaking truths about life, love, relationship, family and my own spiritual wellbeing. There is just so much to learn about life as I realized that I have been sheltered from the hard knocks of life again and again. There were a few betrayals that I didn’t expect but my disillusionment did not last as God quickly moved in to heal the hurts. Moreover, i didn’t expect that one person who came into my life in the middle of the year suddenly became the most significant, stabilizing influence and joy of my life..seriously i feel grateful for all that Timothy has brought to me : hope, comfort, love, peace, fun, humility, maturity, grace. I know a lot of prayer and wisdom is needed to sustain any relationship and may God continue to watch over us.

I do not know whether there are going to be major changes in 2008 that will alter my plans for the future but for now, I am no longer worried about the light at the end of the tunnel because faith will assure me that the light is there even if i am yet to behold it.

Wow..i realized that i haf been neglecting my blogs for the past few months. it’s almost 2 months since i last wrote anything in here and that seems forever in cyberspace. i might have lost all my audience for all i know since they would haf given up on reading my blog page since i didn’t update it…hhmm..so for all of u out there who happens to read this piece, a big thanx for ur support in reading it ok?

well, i haf been very busy with my work lately. been doing almost two jobs (my hospital work and locum) this month so was occupied there. moreover, there are so many things to settle about my personal life and research work to write up on. so, i was pretty caught up wif ‘business’

as the roar of the tropical storm lingers on outside my room, i cannot help but feel a sense of loss. there were so many things that i seem to lost control of recently. on and off i will feel a sense of despair due to some problems wif my family and i haf been praying to God for some answers about it. as i lost a sense of security and naivety about life, i feel like i need a time of ‘mourning’ and i guess the rainy season seems to reflect and accompany my mood. this is a weird time for me as i m a normally cheerful and optimistic person..nothing much can discourage me but the past few weeks has been a challenge to the very core of my crisis-response ability. thank God there seem to be a temporary solution to some of the problems but when trust is no longer there, i feel the world will no longer be the same

recently read men are from mars and women are from venus.. pretty darn good book about the way men and women behaves differently in relationship. i guess women just talks on and on while men retreats to their cave.not only that, women are generally ‘clingy’ and likes to explore via talking while men are like rubber bands as the women need to let go of them and let them do their own things before they suffocate. this is practically the best advice book for those who are in relationships and i highly recommend it to all guys and girls who wants to know more about the opposite sex and also about themselves.

as i realized that i haf been yakking on and on in each of my blog entries, i will try to keep this short. looking forward to christmas and a brand new year..with hopes that God will open up doors for me and allow me to be lifted above all the earthly troubles for we can rest all our worries in Him…

Hullo..its time for the travel bug to infect me again..went to Vietnam for almost 9 hard-earned days and thoroughly enjoyed my stay there. As I spent my trip in three major areas, Ha No, Sa-pa and Ha-long Bay, I will divide my travel blog into 3 parts.

Therefore, Part 1 is Hankering after Ha Noi: An Account of My arrival to the capital city of Vietnam.

As I boarded the Air Asia flight very very early, was drowsy as I sunk onto my airplane seats but my eyes popped open the moment we were cruising above Northern Vietnam. Man, this land is flat. I could see farmland and low buildings everywhere. The houses look like blocks of buildings from a computer land..like Lego toys. The buildings are so narrow and cute.

Then the air hit me with gusto..oh, so dry and hazy. I guess it hasn’t been raining for days here as a layer of dust seem to settle in the quiet, still air. The first Vietnamese to greet us told us that he is bringing us to a different hotel and not to the one that we book. We protested half-heartedly, as we are prepared for this famous scam widely-publicized online. We do not want this incident to mar the rest of the trip and therefore, went along wif this guy.

To be honest, the hotel is not bad and pretty near to the major attractions in the Old Quarter. We approached the Old Quarter with eager enthusiasm and high spirits. Learnt that each street is named after the trades found on that particular street. Therefore, Shoe Street has only shops selling shoes and so on. How convenient, how quaint..hehe

The first thing that strikes you as you wander onto the streets of Ha Noi is the propensity for honking. I mean, honking is like the national pastime here. It’s like "Honk if you are Vietnamese" or "I will die the day I Stop Honking"…those seem to be the personal motto for Hanoians. I was terrified to cross the streets, at first. I stood there for minutes at wits’ ends, trying to figure a way to reach the other side. Finally, I took the plunge and stepped onto the traffic, trailing the locals closely. Bravo, I did it. My first crossing amidst motorbikes that don’t follow rule

Then I noted that no one wears a helmet here. I mean, the neurosurgeons must de damn filthy rich here..or everyone figures that being dead immediately  after a road-traffic accident is better. With no one following traffic rules or obeying the traffic light, its amazing how ppl can stay alive. I guess its survival of the fittest after all.

Secondly, the streets themselves are marvellous. The old trees lining the streets are so shady, charming and filled with character. They are the living testaments to the early victorious Vietnamese conquering the Chinese. They stood by as the French colonized this nation and witnessed the horrors of the Vietnam War. We walked for hours under the protections of these well-planted trees. I wish that we have these many trees in the major cities in Malaysia. maybe then i wil drive less..(wishful thinking)

Thirdly, as we approached the Hoan Kiem lake, the major heart of the city where all the Old Quarter branches out from, like arteries, we could notice many tourists. And pirated North Face and crumpler bags. Ah, globalization and piracy. Its reassuring to know that Malaysia could be dethroned as the piracy centre of Southeast Asia one day with so many other potential countries, eh? Forgive my sarcasm..

The lake itself is a beehive of activity. We see many couples dating by the lake and children running around. There was a picture-taking session for Miss Photogenic Vietnam and we could ogle at gorgeous, mouth-watering Vietnamese girls in ao dai courtesy of that contest. Worshippers streamed into the Ngoc Sun temple. A Malaysian girl valiantly tried to take pictures. Kids escaping from my clutches and camera as I tried to snap pictures of them. Old ladies selling snacks. It was truly so filled with interesting people and unique scenery that I feared that I was in a sensory overload. It was all so overwhelmingly Vietnamese.

So it was time for a coffee break. Yummy..my mouth is salivating now as I typed out  those words..Vietnamese coffee. Ka-fe. For the first time in my life, I took coffee without having a headache and enjoyed the taste in the process. It was just a right blend of coffee, sugar and milk with ice added for the warm weather. The setting..a cafe facing the lake so we could greedily people-watch. A great way to rest our aching feet and recharge before the night set in

To be continue…

I haf always realized that i m a workaholic but didn’t realize that i might b a bit over-the-top when i discovered that my highlight of the week was actually today. i was in the op theatre doing cases and the various different operations reali was superb for me bcoz i get to see new things in all my cases. it was so refreshing and satisfying. i think if this goes on, i wil like teluk intan a lot lot more.

my first case was a hernioplasty which is usually job as usual as we always do this op. but mine turned out to be complicated and thank God, i was assisted by my surgeon bcoz he decided to come in for the case and so we finished after being very puzzled by the strange anatomy. the second case was a laparoscopic cholecystectomy, which is removal of the gallbladder via a small scope. we make 3 very small slits to put in instruments into the abdomen to do this op and need a very good light source at the tip of our telescope. however, our main lamp fused down and we had to resort to emergency light. for the first time in many months, we haf to op in dim light for abt 10 mins. so weird but thank God we managed to find a back-up light.

then we had another laparoscopic op, this time an incisional hernia repair. this was so fun bcoz we were using a state-of-the-art telescope and camera system. according to the vendors, we are the first hospital in Malaysia to get this system and i was the first official operator of the camera as my surgeon operated..i was the image provider u see. kinda proud of myself though i know it was my surgeon’s work. still, i could see the images so clear (even visualized the fat globules on the intestines, superb) and i was zooming in and out as i like to provide the best views. haha, finished kinda fast too bcoz the equipments were all behaving.

it was followed by a stenting case whereby we put in 2 tubes through 2 blocked ureters so that urine can drain from the kidney. everything was done through the urethral and the bladder so we need not make any incisions on the patient. all we need was the radiographer to provide the images via fluoroscopy. it was my first time doing this procedure wif my surgeon too..

so i m feeling on top of cloud nine now as i get to see new things today. its not frequent that we get so good equipments and cases in teluk intan and this might herald better days ahead. i m learning endoscopy with full speed and hopefully, will be able to do endoscopy of esophagus and stomach independently pretty soon. not only that, we are hearing news of a ct scanner coming to teluk intan and i kinda hope that it wil happen soon. then we can do all sorts of basic neurosurgery lor..like burr holes, craniectomy and evacuation of clots in the brain, etc. mind-blowing eh?

btw, found out that ppl are actually bloggin almost daily and some of them are actually talking crap online. of course i find them entertainin and a few can actually edify or benefit ppl…though i wonder why am i being so formal as i blog. i guess its just the way i was brought up u know..always feel that i m a bit stiff and too well-mannered. do u think that my topics are boring? smile…

Today I will be talking abt love and passion. You know, the kind of emotions that makes u lose all reasoning and behave irrationally. The kind of feelings that brighten up your day and makes you smile despite the hardest challenges and trials. I am thankful that God has given me the opportunity to love someone on Earth with all my heart. My first love will always be Jesus, for He is with me ever since I was thirteen. Throughout my teenage years, the Lord has guided me through the darkest periods of my life. When I lost my mother, He was my comforter and my strength.

At the beginning of the year, I was lost and so confused. As I regained back my footing with Jesus, I began to embrace singlehood with vigour and excitement. I travelled around and visited frens in various towns. My walk with God grew back and I see His light shining upon me. When I least expect it, suddenly I fell in love, suprisingly and unreservedly. Being an enthusiastic person in general, I embrace all my gifts from God with exuberance and great expectations. So far, I am so grateful that this gift has uplifted my spirits and given me so much of joy.

There are still plenty of decisions for me ahead. No one is perfect and at the same time, we can’t aim for perfection. In order to be the best person for your partner-in-life, we have to constantly give and take. In fact, giving and forgiving is so much more important. In giving, we learn to be humble and to serve others, just like our dearest servant Lord. At the same time, there should be moderation and self-control. In this sensuous and pleasure-seeking world, youths are so focused on the present and they forget about the future. Purity is one of the utmost gift that we can offer to our life-partner, besides love and faithfulness. If we are have spiritual and emotional blemishes, that will be a baggage that we carry into the relationship and potentially hurt the other half.

Not only that, self-seeking behaviour and easy anger, together with temper, is one of the downfall of young, successful adults. We are so performance-driven that we forget to savour the most important aspects of life. It is relationships, be it with God,lovers, friends and family members that sustains us in this life. The rat-race that we are in can only serve to isolate and harden us. If we continue to love God and love people, therein lies the true value of life.

Recently, I made a mistake which can be remedied and it’s not too late for me to turn back. I thank God that He allows me to realize my folly before its too late. That’s why I love Him so much. God gives us the freedom of will and yet, if His Holy Spirit resides in us, there is always a route leading us back to Him. For that, I am so touched by His grace. There is no condemnation in Christ, for He has paid the ultimate price for us on the cross at Calvary.

The reason I penned this blog is a reminder to myself that I shall not be complacent in my walk with God and also in my relationships with others. Not only that, a purpose-driven life is a life worth living. If we are able to find the purpose to our lives and to constantly honour God, we will find blessings and peace overflowing. That’s what we call living in abundance. This blog entry is dedicated to the most important person in my life right now…May He continue to suffuse you with love so that you can draw closer to Him each day of your life, being a great testimony for Him and to be a light and salt on Earth

I noticed that in order to keep our minds active, we have to constantly exercise our neurones and sadly, my last exam was 1 year ago and thus I felt as if I am facing a brain inertia. it was difficult when I first started because I had to study in the midst of exams and going out. I’m still balancing both and I guess our lives are always gonna be like that..filled with priorities and juggling different tasks. As for yours truly, the present moment is filled with days of doing mcqs and reading notes at home. It’s good to be back in KL but I find that I really cannot tolerate the traffic jams. its driving me nuts despite me growing up wif it. I find that the traffic situation is getting out of hand and our public transportation must be rehabilitated if not completely revamped.

I’m seeking God right now regarding many issues in my life right now. There is a need for me to decide on some very important issues which will determine the course of the rest of my life. I find that it’s hard to make the right decisions when our emotions are involved and I wish I could evoke my calm, detached and cool rational mind of yesteryears when it comes to the crunch. I’m facing an even bigger crossroad at this moment in time. I think I will go into quiet meditation when I am back in TI and go face-to-face with Jesus for the right directions. One thing I know for sure, that God will always be here right beside me and guiding me through thick and thin. I’m so thankful for the biggest miracle that has landed in my life the past 1 month that my heart is filled with gratefulness and joy.

It’s not easy on this planet earth to find someone that you can connect with at all levels, complement you, adores you and constantly uplift you (especially emotionally and spiritually). I used to wonder whether this person can exist. When the person arrives, you might not even notice it initially. Then suddenly, the gentle ripples has turn into a big roaring wave and before u know it, you are swept away, almost like u r stuck in a tsunami. You are powerless and u feel like u are on an endorphin rush all the time. If i look back, that’s how I would describe the past 3 months. Since God has again shown His mighty love and power, I’m looking forward to even greater release of miracle and anointing from Him….

Today we celebrated the 25th anniversary of Metro Tabernacle, my beloved church in Desa Melawati, KL. Since I’ve been a part of this church for the past 10 years (officially for the past 8 years), I’m so proud to say that God’s hand and love is indeed upon this congregation of loving and great people.

Every single move we made was covered with many prayers and intercessions. Every single note of praise we sing was to glorify God. Nothing that we do or offer can ever out-give God. That’s the most humbling yet uplifting message of all. Moreover, we believe that the best is yet to come. What a wonderful calling to the body of Christ..

For the past few months, I’ve noticed that I’m closer to God than ever. My mood lifted easily and eventually things change to the better even when things seem to go wrong in the beginning. When we are doing things which are pleasing to God, pure and sweet as the sweetest aroma of sacrifice unto Him, we find that our walk with Jesus radiates joy and love to the people around us. That’s when we realize that we are being the light and salt of the earth. as we are called to be set apart, a generation after God’s own heart, I pray that my generation, in this year of Jubilee will bring order to this world of chaos, bring peace in this world of war and bring love in this world of hate. It is in the darkest hours that even the tiniest light shine brightest. For although we live in a dark age, if we choose to rise above the norm and make a difference, that’s when the radical revival of Jesus will sweep across this land.

So thankful that God gave me this words as I sat in front of the computer. I find that I don’t talk about my faith that much on my blog as I prefer to narrate things from my life. Yet my heart is bursting with this passion for Jesus that I wanna share this to my frens who stumbles onto my blog. Don’t worry, I’m not about to morph into a preacher-wannabe or a mumbo-jumbo weirdo. This is my heartfelt cry to those who wants to find meaning to this life and for those who have lost God along the way. No matter whether we feel that we are far away from God, no matter how much we have wronged him, don’t be plagued by the dead weight of guilt and blame. The Lord is ready to embrace you in His warm, limitless love if only you are willing. Do cross over to the life of abundance and peace in our dear God.

Have a nice day and shall update u on my life (back to the normal blog habit again soon). Have a nice Merdeka month!